are you really in your twenty-somethings if you don’t embarrass yourself in the name of growth, self-development, or through attempts to establish yourself as an individual in the public eye?
is that what this blog is about then? establishing myself?
in some ways, yes. establishing myself TO myself. evidence of me, trying.
i’ve always loved writing. sharing my opinions, ideas, and stories, and having other share their opinions, ideas, and stories with me (to an extent… my life is a bigot-free zone). somewhere along the way, though (and maybe i can blame this on the pandemic, or my childhood, or social conditioning, or something other than myself) i’ve become timid. i stay quiet, i fear perception, and any thought of publicizing my vulnerability is bile-inducing.
but there is something inside me trying to break out. i’m repressing this thing inside me, whatever or whoever it is, and for what? to live as some corporate robot with no thoughts or feelings? to exist entirely in my head? to never fully express myself because some rando might think i’m weird? i’m performing this pantomime of a meek, eager-to-please doormat, because all i’ve ever wanted is acceptance and validation. FUCK acceptance!!! FUCK validation!!! FUCK everyone!!!
so here i am. announcing my presence to the people who still read and write blogs in 2024. hopefully i can stick to this for at least a year. and if i embarrass myself… who gives a fuck! it’s not like everything on the internet lasts forever.
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